Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
