my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
