so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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