Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
