Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
false alarm, still single
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
