i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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