If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
