Im at strip club and am horny
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
