ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
