Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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