In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
