I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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