walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
