You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
