ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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