You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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