I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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