There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
