Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
