If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
