I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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