just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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