Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just google imaged poop.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
