They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
