Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
