i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
