We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
