Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
