They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
