so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
