Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
