Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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