And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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