I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize