My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
