I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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