Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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