Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
