I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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