i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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