apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize