I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
