I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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