She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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