I cannot find my penis.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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