no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
