i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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