I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
