I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
babies were throwing up all over the place
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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