is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
