I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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