You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
