I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
