Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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