The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
