HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
