i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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